bittersweet.

Here I am, in the last week of pregnancy, and my, it is so bittersweet.

Sweet in that my body is just about at maximum capacity. Sweet in that I will appreciate sleeping comfortably, wearing regular clothes, not aching everywhere and getting myself back in shape. Sweet in that my hair will hopefully not continue to fall out in chunks, my face won't be all crazy different shades and my ankles and feet won't look like baked potatoes.

But bittersweet, still. Bittersweet in that this is most likely my last time being pregnant. That I will no longer feel the sweet flutters in the early weeks or strong kicks as the baby continues to grow. Bittersweet in that I won't be the only one in the world bonded with a sweet baby who hasn't made his appearance into the world yet. Bittersweet in that I won't have the excitement of seeing the lines on a stick and sharing the joy that a new little person will soon be joining our family. And bittersweet in that I won't have my belly to rub, knowing a beautiful blessing is growing inside of me.

It's a crazy feeling, really. All the emotion, the smiles and excitement, the joy, the fears and anxiety. The worrying, the praying, the longing to hold and see that sweet face for the first time. No experience is quite like it. I have emotions I wish I could bottle up and save forever. The anticipation. The love. Even some of the funny glances I get when walking around looking like I am about to pop.

And then the day comes. The day you meet them. And you are so fully, deeply in love. The wait is over. They are here. Another one of God's precious angels has emerged into our world. For a family to love. To cherish. To raise.

And all at once, there it is again. That feeling. The bittersweet cycle continues. Time goes too fast. They grow up too quickly. The days may be long, but the years are short. They change right in front of us with each passing moment. Time is fleeting. Little ones are learning and changing. And we long for one more time to rock them to sleep. To hold them. To sing "Jesus loves me." To make them laugh and hold them close when they cry. To make sure they know they are loved with every shred of our being.

Bittersweet. It's all so bittersweet.

Monday.

It has been a busy few days around here, with even busier days to follow. It seems I have been in a whirlwind of cleaning the most random things (nesting), hosting parties and get togethers as a dear friend is moving away this week, enjoying afternoons spent playing outside, soaking in sweet moments with Saylor as the time draws close to meeting her little brother, and trying to finish up the few remaining things around the house.

Our sweet neighbors and dear friends are moving to Atlanta this week and we are so sad to see them go.

The ladies in the neighborhood got together Friday night and went out to celebrate with just the girls. Saturday night, we hosted the families at our house to bid them farewell. Barron Family, you will be missed!

Sunday was spent napping and playing outside. The time change is a little more tricky with little ones. We all seemed a bit more exhausted than usual, so early bed times and long naps it was. I did manage to sneak in a few moments of cleaning here and there, as nesting can really take a hold of you the week before delivery. 

Speaking of delivery, we have just 10 more days to go and I really cannot believe it. 10 days! 10 days? Where has the time gone? I have Baker's bag packed and ready to go and have mine semi-packed, just in case he decides to make his appearance sooner. 

I have finished up my Beth Moore "James" Bible study, and wow, what a blessing it was. I have done 5 or 6 of her studies, but this one was just so powerful and seemed to deliver just what I needed. A mix of conviction, strength and fulfillment of the soul. I read her blog this morning, and she closed with this... "Keep walking the thing out. Jesus is worthy of it." Amen sister.

Happy Monday, friends. Have an extra cup of coffee this morning (I know I will, as this time change is making for a tough monday!). 

Things I don't want to forget...

Saylor and I have been playing all morning, and have been having so much fun! I have been thinking of how much she is learning with each passing day. She is 14 months and is changing so much. 

A few of her (current) favorite things:

• throwing a ball and chasing after it all through the house
• rocking and snuggling with her baby dolls
• giving her baby dolls a bottle
• coloring (this is her first masterpiece!)

• filling up and dumping out cups 
• goldfish!
• playing outside... whether swinging, strolling or just being, Say loves to be outside. 
• brushing my hair or daddy's hair 
• clapping for herself and saying "yay" when she does something she's proud of
• reading books (she has 3 favorites we read each night and 2 other favorites we read 20+ times during the day)

This is such a sweet, precious time in Saylor's life, and I don't want to forget a thing :)! 

It has been a whirlwind around here, but I am happy to say, life seems to be slowing down, thus giving me the opportunity to let it all sink in and reflect. The decorations have been taken down and I am left with the after Christmas emptiness. The empty spot where the tree sits. The undone mantels and railings. The leftover glitter in every single corner of our home. But I'm also left with a renewed sense of love and family. A renewed sense of what's really important. That days can be long, but the years are short. That love and family are really all that matters. That as we embark on a new year, I am reminded to enjoy the small things, the small moments. To be more patient. To laugh more. To love harder. To hug those we love a little bit tighter.

The holidays were truly wonderful this year. We loved being surrounded by laughter and love of family for weekends on end. We spent Christmas in both North and South Carolina. We visited with all of those we love, making fun new memories, building on old traditions and soaking in the true spirit of Christmas.

I have quite a few posts to get done, and am hoping to have them up this week. Until then, i'll leave you with this, brought to you by red sock monkey footed pajamas...

Baker Family Christmas, 2011



fleeting moments.

Last night, a little before 4am, I heard soft whimpers coming from Saylor's monitor. It startled me, as she doesn't ever wake up at night. I watched her on the monitor for a few minutes, thinking she'd fall back alseep, but the whimpers continued. I walked upstairs to her room, scooped her and her blanket out of bed, then sat with her in her rocking chair.

Immediately the whimpers stopped. She sprawled her little body on mine and snuggled right into me. She held her blanket in one hand and held onto my arm with the other. I listened to her sucking on her paci. Then slowly, I watched as her chest rose and fell, her breaths getting slower as she quickly fell back asleep.

I sat in that chair, with only the glow of a night light, and tears enveloped me. I kept hearing a whisper in my heart, "you're gonna miss this....". I rocked and prayed as I soaked in every second. I don't even know how long I held her, but she was fast asleep when I finally got up from the chair and laid her back in her crib.

These moments are fleeting, and I am thankful to sit and rock my sweet baby in the wee hours of the night, and thankful for a God who whispered to me slowly, "stay, soak this moment in...".

Things I don't want to forget...

Time goes by so fast, especially with a little one. All the moments are just so precious and I want to make sure I document the little things, just so I don't forget.

Saylor is saying "mama" and it might just be the most precious thing I have ever heard.

She loves to clap and gets so excited when she does. When she's upset, she sometimes claps as well... we laugh and say, she is doing her best trick, so we'll give her what she wants :).

She is trying to crawl, although she isn't there yet. She scoots around, reaches to far when sitting up, and manages to land herself on her knees. I'm afraid our days of sitting her down and letting her play are soon over.

She loves animals. Cats, dogs, whatever. She is thrilled every time our kitty comes by her and loves to rub (pull) on her. Sydney tolerates it quite well, although she didn't love Saylor trying to put her ear in her ear mouth the other day. She watches intently at the dogs. She loves the ducks in the lake. The girl is enamored with animals.

Her favorite thing is a little stuffed animal from Alvin and the Chipmunks, Brittany. Nothing makes the girl smile and squeal more.

She loves to grocery shop! We have a good time at the store together. She is such a ham and smiles and laughs at everyone that speaks to her in the store.

(here she is in the grocery cart, Brittany, the chipmunk, in hand.)

She loves to play peek-a-boo and thinks it is too funny. She laughs every time we play "where is baby?" or "where is mommy?"She pulls the blanket off my head or hers, and just cracks up. Love it.

I left her for the first time this weekend with my mom and dad and she had a great time. I sure did miss her, but she was a happy little girl all weekend.

In the mornings, she loves to sit in my bed and watch cartoons. She holds on tightly to her blanket and eases into the morning with her mommy. That's my girl ;).

mommy loves you, tink tink. 

A mother's love

I love to read Real Simple magazine, in fact, it's one of the mags I get monthly. I also love to read Kelle Hampton's blog (which I do almost daily). Today on her blog, she quoted a quote that is in Real Simple mag, page 6...

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path." 

-Agatha Christie

Then Kelle wrote.... 
"I love the last part--"crushes remorselessly." So badass, so fierce and yet an emotion present the moment we flip that stick over to find two pink lines. I love that this love and passion is not earned. We don't have to do anything to get it. It's just there the minute we know there is another life to love... instincts. I rely on instincts a lot--maybe more than I should. But I've found the most valuable truths I've used in guiding my parenting choices are not snippets I've highlighted in books or pieces of advice passed along from more seasoned mamas. It's the nuggets of truth that dwell within--things I didn't even know I knew. I know how to love my kids. I know what they need, and for every chapter I've read about the five S's of calming a baby? They've got nothing on the natural rhythm of my body that instinctively rocks and sways and soothes my girls into a sleepy trance.There is a certain confidence you acquire when you discover your instincts are worth trusting."


My eyes filled with tears when I read the quote, then her words, and I let out an "amen, sister" under my breath. I sat and thought about that quote and about instincts. How we are given the gift to love our child, and we do, with reckless abandon. A love that cannot be put into words, for there are none to describe the way a heart swells when  their baby is placed in their arms for the first time. Or the way a heart swells as you watch your baby sleep on your chest. Or lay sweetly in your arms. Or smile at you for the very first time. There are just no words. 


A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. Nothing.

Lots of randoms!

- My little angel is growing up so fast. I can't believe we are a few weeks shy of her being 6 months old. Makes this momma want to sob and smile at the same time. I already miss her being so tiny. It went by too fast, but I love each new moment I have with her. She is starting to try to sit up on her own and loves to talk and giggle. She has no interest in crawling (which I find quite hilarious!) and would rather me just tote her around on my hip all day. Tough life, huh? :)

- In an effort to lose the remaining baby weight (argh!), my friend and I are training for a mini-triathlon in July. I think I drank some crazy juice. We are following a 13 week training guide, with 1-2 days off per week. Lots of swimming, biking and running are in my future. I, personally, am not aiming for a time. My goal is just to finish the thing! Ha!

- We have been traveling a lot lately and will continue to do so over the next few months. My brother is getting married in June and we have various showers and events throughout the next 8 weeks. I love having a reason to visit Greensboro!

- I am in my 3rd week of my newest Bible study, Jonah - Navigating a Life Interrupted. I have found it so interesting how the Lord is using the story of Jonah to remind us that even though we think God is interrupting our perfect plans (or so we think!), it is really a divine intervention on God's part, as He has something so much greater in store for us. Our God is always faithful to His promises. 

- I went to a coupon class the other night, and wow, I am so overwhelmed. Has anyone watched Extreme Couponing? That show just blows my mind. I'm looking for ways to lower our grocery bill and am thinking of trying this coupon thing out. Any tips? I sure need all the help I can get. 

I am sure I have more random things floating around my head, but I just looked up and realized it's time to wake the girls from their naps and head to the Little Gym. Adios, friends. Hope you're having a great week!

words to live by.

via

monday.

it's monday.

rainy and super cold. 

but i am loving it anyways.

the rainy day gives me an excuse to snuggle all morning with this sweet angel.

God is good.

mom and jess are coming down today. 

excited for some fun visitors and saysay is excited to see her shushu.

we had a great weekend.

hubs and i checked lots of things off our home to-do list.

my bf and her fiancee came for a visit.

we grilled out with friends.

i played all weekend with this little precious.

she's been sicky with a cold, but is on the mend. 

babies being sick is really the pits.

happy monday. enjoy extra snuggles or hugs. whatever works for ya ;)!

noteworthy.

via

sweet hubs.

thank you, sug. i love you. 

....and a very happy St. patty's day friends....

the prize.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:14 

Tonight, the girls are asleep. They were both tuckered out and bedtime came early at the Branch house. Sean has been in San Fransisco all week and is supposed to be on a plane home tonight, if the weather cooperates. I have a glass of wine. My candle is burning. I just walked in and kissed Saylor's sweet head and said a prayer for the Lord to watch her as she sleeps. 


It's cold outside. I'm snuggled in a blanket as I type. My kitty is curled up next to me. I am counting my blessings. 


I am thankful for tonight, that I can watch Saylor sleep or look into Chloe's room and see her as her night light shines on her. I am thankful for a quiet, clean house. 


I sit at my computer with the lyrics of Jared Anderson, This is Life, playing in the background, and I am moved to tears. It touches me so deep. This road we are walking, it's a gift. I pray we don't lose sight of the prize we have in Christ Jesus. And while we await the prize, may we not miss the moments in between. It's a beautiful life. May we enjoy today. May we give grace and understanding to others. Life is truly bigger when we live for others...  my husband, my sweet little girls, my family and my friends, and ultimately, our God. 

Jared Anderson - "This is Life"

Brace yourself 

This is going to take every part of you

This is going to make God believe in you

And you believe in Him

Pace yourself

Eternity is not a fairy tale

The in between can be your heaven

Or just another day in hell

Cause the road we walk is straight and narrow

And the times we have they're ours to borrow

So give a little understanding

This is life and its hell if you only live for yourself

Calm yourself

The fear that's in your heart must surely die

You always say its hard and you don't know why

Well welcome to everybody else's life

And lift yourself

You're bigger when you're on your knees again

Just look above and look within

Don't look around its all just been

Cause the road we walk is straight and narrow

The times we have they're ours to borrow

So give a little understanding

This is life and its hell if you only live, 

Give a little understanding

This is life and its hell if you only live for yourself

 - Jared Anderson, This is Life

Our cup runneth over...

It has been an eventful few weeks at the Branch household. We brought baby girl home and I don't think a day has passed when someone hasn't knocked on the front door or come by to hold sweet Saylor or just to visit with us. 

The visiting lasted right on through Thanksgiving. Our Thanksgiving was wonderful this year. Family descended on Columbia to be with us and we are so thankful.

But today, today, the dust has settled, everyone is gone. Sean is back to work and I am enjoying every second of my first day home with my baby girl. I woke up surrounded by burp clothes and blankets to a sweet angel snuggled up to me. I enjoyed my cup of hot tea while I rocked her in my arms and watched the Today show in a quiet house. We have boxes of Christmas decorations waiting to be put up. But today, they can wait. I am soaking in the morning.

Such a change from the whirlwind of the past few weeks. Neither one is better than the other. They are both amazing. Although we miss our family and friends when they head home, it sure is sweet to drink up the silence, just me and baby girl. The coos and sweet sounds of an infant surrounding me. These are the moments, I am sure, I do not want to miss. 


I am thankful for holidays that bring laughter and love with family and friends. And I am thankful for mornings spent in jammies, in an empty house.

Our cup runneth over... I am in awe of our Lord's sweet grace and the many events that make our hearts smile.

Thankful for...

Our sweet Lord and His graciousness.

The idea of Black Friday, although I never seem to manage to battle the crowds.

Reconnecting with old friends on facebook.

My husband's hugs when he comes home from work.

Christmas music.

Fall leaves and watching them escape the trees slowly.

A great pair of jeans.

Sweet tea.

Driving my car with the windows down.

Garth Brooks. And yes, I saw him on Oprah this week and his songs always take me back.

Real, sincere hugs.

My sweet Saylor and the overwhelming joy she has brought to my heart.

High heels.

Looking at my wedding pictures and reliving our day.

Receiving Christmas cards.

The small things.

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Today

Small things I am loving today:
-sitting on my deck drinking hot tea, soaking in the cool, fall morning
-laughing to myself as I think about the fun weekend we just had in Charlotte celebrating the marriage of my very dear friend Kristen, and her new husband, Ben
-wearing a sweatshirt (can we tell I'm ready for cooler weather)
-reading books as fast as I can, trying to squeeze them in, before Saylor arrives, and my Nook will be thrown to the side
-getting sweet text messages from my husband while he is at work, telling me he misses me
-making orange plato with Chloe for her class
-organizing Saylor's closet, and hanging up all her dresses
-writing thank you notes from our showers and counting my blessings, that we have such amazing friends
-realizing that in a month's time, a sweet little angel will be joining our family, and I just cannot wait to meet her.

life is good.

The small things.

I was up late last night. So late, in fact, that when Chloe walked into our room at 8:46 am this morning, I shot out of bed, looked at the clock, and did an insane sprint trying to get her ready, her lunch packed and myself somewhat decent all to get her to school by 9 am. Fail. We rolled in about 9:15. You're just gonna have some of that... ;)


Pregnancy does a crazy thing to sleep patterns. It wrecks havoc. However, I am convinced, not quite the havoc that is going to be wrecked in a few weeks when a precious angel takes up those sleeping hours. As I was awake through the wee hours of the night, I was reading through blogs and flipping through online photo albums of Sean and I, and this journey we started together years ago. I was overcome with such emotion. Such joy. Such thankfulness. So blessed that the Lord knew just the man to complete my heart. The Lord had him hand-picked all along to be my partner. My husband. My best friend. I felt like a school girl looking through pictures and smiling at the memories that brought us here... Just weeks away from welcoming our little girl to this world.


We had been friends only a short time in the picture below... Who would have known this would be the man I would walk the rest of my days with.

Life is not perfect, but man, is it awesome. The little things that fill up the days and make it all worthwhile. The things like my husband walking in from work with a little fall bouquet of flowers that added just the perfect touch to the fall/halloween decorations I had been working on just hours before. It was the icing on my cupcake last night. It made me smile. The apple pie we stuck in the oven late, the perfect compliment to the cool rain falling outside and the fall candle I have been burning for weeks... trying my darndest to bring fall to SC.

These smiles are the ones I want to remember. The little things. The laughs. The hugs. This is what makes our life magnificent and ordinary at the same time. 

He makes me smile. 

Every single day. In the midst of the chaos, the running, the things that make up our life, he makes me smile. Life, I'm certain, is made of the small things. And I am thankful. Thankful for him. For our life. For the small things.

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common--this is my symphony."
-- William Henry Channing (1810-1884), American Unitarian clergyman, writer and philosopher 

And this is my prayer. Our symphony. We find joy in our life. Our love story. That we may find joy in the small things.